Various Quotes from people mentioned in CAH

Just swallow; I swear I am gluten free!–El Dookie-Circa 2013

Good luck with your soup!–CU Next Tuesday-Circa 2013

Last time we did something low key, we went to Boston Market; you had the meat loaf and I had the chicken pot pie–Yakimo-Circa 2014

I quit kindergarten because I don’t play!–Billy Jack-Circa 2010

What about dick, can you eat that?  It’s paleo, right?–El Dookie-Circa 2014

2 boobies + 2 boobies = no boobiesSammy-Circa 1998

I think I fucked a squirrel last night; I can’t be positive though!–El Dookie-Circa 1995

She had a vaganus, it sort of all ran together!–El Dookie-Circa 2014

That shouldn’t count as cheating, it was a classic case of accidentalingus!–El Dookie-Circa 2011

You look like a homeless hooker!–El Dookie-Circa 2015

Excuse me father, any particular reason why you or the nuns never stopped by my room?–El Dookie-Circa 2015

I don’t do asswork, if a chick wants asswork she better talk to the assman; I don’t do asswork!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1994

That chick smelled like Smokey Mountain Rain!–Sammy-Circa 1997

They aren’t even real cops dude; they are Texas Rangers…..OH FUCK!!!–El Dookie-Circa 1994

She had the biggest set of tits I had ever seen in my life.  A chance like that only comes around once in a lifetime; it was like the Areola Borealis!–El Dookie-Circa 2012

No fine, I am thanks!–Sammy-Circa 1996

Hello Sam, this is Thomas de los Santos de la Batista, I am going to kill you, you mother fucker!!!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1994

What’s up Strawberry Slutcake?–El Dookie-Circa 2014

You can study over here; perhaps we could engage in some studylingus!–El Dookie-Circa 2005

That dork played the meat flute in high school band!–El Dookie-Circa 1999

It was a classic case of fuck me, no fuck you!–Sammy-Circa 1998

Ding Ding Ding, you are a loner; I have finally figured you out!–Brother-Circa 2014

Excuse me ‘mam, can I take a picture of you peeing?–El Dookie-Circa 2002

Hey, it’s the Peterbilt man! No thanks, I will take a raincheck!–Brother-Circa 2002

I’m about to clean house on this mother fucker!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1997

Did that midget just flip me off?–El Dookie-Circa 1999

Hey, that whore just double dipped Muffins!–El Dookie-circa 2000

You speak spanish, right;  bueno means good, but panocha is better?–El Dookie-Circa 2004

This is fucked up like clown pussy!–Buck Cactus-Circa 2012

I almost wore that same outfit yesterday!–El Dookie-Circa 1998-Present

That chick is like a walking petri dish!–Sammy-Circa 2005

Dude, that chick had two different sized tits; she could win 1st. and 2nd. place in a wet t-shirt contest!–El Dookie-Circa 2008

I lost my testicle, have you seen it? It just rolled out of the restroom!–Big Daddy-Circa 1999

I licked your butthole the other night, I assumed we had that part of our intamcy worked out.–El Dookie-Circa 2014

Shut up you hermophrodite or I am going to kick you in your things!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1998

I just sported wood in the weight room!–El Dookie-Circa 1996

What are your thoughts on assplay?–Yakimo-Circa 2001

I feel like a wild animal just ate me and shit me off the side of a cliff!–El Dookie-Circa 1999

I really don’t give a fuck about your Elvis memorabilia right now Terry!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1994

Does anyone else here think that bitch looks just like Janet Reno?  Oops, that is your mother, my bad!–El Dookie-Circa 2004

Hello Sam, this is Vidal, I need to speak to you honey; I am in heat baby!!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1994

You are very mamnificent!–El Dookie-Circa 2015

We just fucked the sheets off the bed!–CU Next Tuesday-Circa 2011

That chick just kicked me in the clown!–El Dookie-Circa 2010

I have this taste in my mouth, you know, like some wild animal just took a shit in it!–El Dookie-Circa 1995

I had windshorts on and I started getting a hard-on, I started thinking about crashing trains and screaming babies!–Brother-Circa 1995

Umm nurse, could you go tell the doctor that I changed my mind on those pain killers, my nuts are killing me!–El Dookie-Circa 2010

I ain’t dusting no damn furniture!!!–Buck Cactus-Circa 1994

Excuse me ‘mam, would you like a mustache ride for a quarter?–El Dookie-Circa 2007

That chick was a 1 trick pony!–Sammy-Circa 2005

If you and Trinity from the Matrix had kids, they would be too lazy to do Tae Know Do!–Brother-Circa 2004

Excuse me, are you the manager, this sandwich tastes like clown taint!–El Dookie-Circa 2013

They call me big daddy, because I am big like a truck and smooth like a caddy!–El Dookie-Circa 1998

I am not exactly sure how I may have gotten tuberculosis, but let’s just pretend that I did; can you just go ahead and write me a prescription and not mention this to my wife; i will be on my way?–El Dookie-Circa 2005

Washrags, washrags; yeah I guess.  Washrags!–Cousin-Circa 2000

That dipshit looks like he has an extra chromosome!–El Dookie-Circa 1999

I don’t get this guy, he stutters 23 hours a day; give him a Miller Lite and a chick and he is smooth as silk!–El Dookie-Circa 2000

Your breath smells like Bigfoot’s taint–Brother-Circa 2013


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