Movie Review-Drone

Drone (2017)

Note: I don’t consider this a spoiler because the movie is already rotten!

Tagline:
Ideologies collide with fatal results when a military drone contractor meets an enigmatic Pakistani businessman.

My Tagline:
Two idiots have a near collision after a Pakistani terrorist makes a fair market offer to purchase the sailboat belonging to a military drone contractor who blew up his wife and daughter with a Hellfire Missile.

Budget:
$4,000,000

Let me start off by saying that I saw this preview in a theater before watching Rogue One last Christmas and I thought it looked pretty good. If they would have added about three more minutes to the preview, they would have created one Hell of a short story and they could have uploaded it to YouTube and rolled the dice with advertising revenue instead of producing another 88-minutes of cinematic garbage that resembled nothing in the preview!  At a 4-million dollar price tag this seems more like a low-end Ponzi scheme instead of a box office movie budget.

Overall, this monstrosity sucked so bad that I had to see it to the end so I could make sure that all traces of it were deleted from my Apple TV when I reset it back to factory defaults. Seriously, this is only the second instance in my life where I wanted to pursue getting my money back from iTunes! After having invested an hour and a half, I didn’t think I had it in me to sit on hold with Apple customer support to get my $5 back.


Plot:
This movie took advantage of a good idea and then veered down some dark alley in the slums of Karachi where the plot was shot to pieces by a group of Hollywood elitists posing as ISIS fighters. Those pieces then tried to converge back to a 3-act structure with about 15+ subplots each. Despite being slow, from start to finish, this movie bounces all over the place. This movie is about as coherent as artwork smeared by a zoo monkey with his own feces! The use of flashback was over utilized throughout the film which had me begging for it to keep moving forward not backward!


Actors:
Let me break down the haphazard attempt at acting in this disaster piece; I would say that it was on par with a small-town high school’s One Act Play troupe that fell short in a state competition resulting in not even the closest resemblance of an honorable mention.

MV5BMTkzMzc4MDk5OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODg3MjUxNw@@._V1_UY317_CR8,0,214,317_AL_Sean Bean-He plays a decent villain which is the perfect role for him in this movie if you subscribe to the writer’s vision of a world controlled by Muslim extremists! Why a casting agent put a Brit in this role shows the top-down sabotage that occurred with this film. On his best day, he couldn’t pass as an American, but when he got drunk at the end of the movie you just don’t care anymore about his fading accent. The biggest problem I had with Sean Bean was his constant swooshing of his hair out of his face with his hand. This got so annoying in the first 10-minutes that I actually contemplated shaving my own head!

MV5BMjIyNDIxNzg1NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTAwOTM0Mw@@._V1_UY317_CR131,0,214,317_AL_Mary McCormack-Since I had a dirty crush on her back in her In Plain Sight days, I expected a whole lot more. When the movie went off on yet another crooked tangent with her and a co-worker having an affair, I expected brief nudity at the minimum. Seriously, don’t take me out into left field and leave me stranded without the hint of an areola or the suggestion of a nipple!

MV5BNzhjODlmY2EtYjYxMC00MDdmLThlODQtMTNhOTUyM2ExMzk4XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNTMzOTU5Mg@@._V1_UY317_CR13,0,214,317_AL_Patrick Sabongui-This guy strikes me like a cell phone accessory salesman working from a kiosk in a crappy mall; not the international terrorist that the writer would have you believe. A better fit for him may be playing a role in a Bollywood production of a LGBTQ adaptation of Peter Pan.

MV5BMjExMzc5OTU4MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTM0NDcwNzE@._V1_UX214_CR0,0,214,317_AL_Maxwell Haynes-This kid looks like Mark Zuckerberg and Justin Timberlake had a love child that flunked out of acting school on the first day. He added nothing to this movie except that cringe I got down my spine when he yelled: “See you in Valhalla!”


Scenes:
Seeing terrorists getting blown to bits was the perfect ending to a great 4th of July. I suppose if I had watched that scene several dozen times instead of finishing the rest of the movie, this review might have taken a different path.

Is there a better way to show America’s kind and accepting culture than a father telling a terrorist to get the Hell out of a public park and to stop watching his kids on playground equipment? I think not, unless the guy is a Trump supporter and you are a liberal trying to make a point about 50% of the electorate. Did I mention that the terrorist had a bomb in his briefcase?

The previous shitty scene didn’t end there, oh no, it lost all credibility when a Fed sticks the equivalent of the Hubble Telescope out the window of a Crown Vic to snap a few pics of the terrorist. Ray Charles could have seen that camera if he was trapped in the trunk of a car, zipped up in a sleeping bag wearing a welding helmet at night. It should come as no surprise that this aloof federal agent gets knocked out with one swing of a faux leather attaché case a few minutes later!

Nothing screams poor acting like two brothers caught in an awkward ass-out hug after the loss of a loved one. Unless one-half of that dynamic acting duo goes on to try and stuff all of their dead relative’s crap into a Goodwill Donation Station! I would have just dumped it on the ground like everyone else and cut the movie short by about 5-minutes!

The whole final scene sort of ran together and thus brought a welcomed but abrupt finish to the movie. There are so many things going on here, it’s hard to keep track. You have a sailboat transaction, two guys becoming BFF’s, a lot of different beverages, something resembling a Jerry Springer episode, a dumb kid that may have been involved with the murder of his grandfather, a coworker that doesn’t realize he stumbled into a hostage situation, more liquor, the world’s shittiest SWAT team, a fight scene that wasn’t nearly as realistic as Trump pounding the Hell out of a CNN logo and finally a dead terrorist. I’m sure I left a few things out but you get the picture!


Summary:

This movie lacked any element of a good film and was poorly written, directed, cast, and ultimately produced. In my opinion, it was some scumbag Canadian writer/director pushing his ideal of an impotent America being run over by militant Islamists in a utopian war where there are no casualties except US personnel that accidentally kill some terrorist’s family members that were probably in the wrong place at the wrong time.

This movie is not worthy of a rating so I will break it down by genre:

Thriller-I was thrilled when it was over

Comedy-It will definitely be funny when i tell someone I hate that it is the best movie I have seen in years

Love-I loved it when it was over

Sex-Probably not for 3-days after watching it

Drama-Just the scene where the terrorist is dishing dirty laundry on everybody

Action-Just me running to get a trash can to barf in

Bottom line-RUN LIKE HELL!!!  After a few minutes of watching this disaster, you will be hoping that you become the victim of an errant drone strike just to put you out of your misery.


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One thought on “Movie Review-Drone

Add yours

  1. Best and most honest movie review I’ve read in a long time… love the shards of humor sprinkled throughout the writers review.

    Keep up the good work ElDook! And keep these movie thumbs-up/thumbs-down coming to a viewing public.
    Cheers,

    Liked by 1 person

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