Episode 19

The El Dookie Show 12/18/2016

availableonitunes   stitcher_button  google-play


👇🏻  Click on this link to support eldookie.com! 👇🏻

ebates_logo_notag_2015


Transcript:

Wrestlers

What’s up with all the wrestlers making news lately?  After watching Hulk Hogan’s sex tape, I never wanted to see anything wrestling related again.

booker_t_bio-640x435You got Booker T, whoever the Hell that is, running for Mayor of Houston.  I mean seriously, could he do a worse job than what they already have?  Personally, I would rather see him put Sheila Jackson Lee in a perpetual choke-hold.

Shad Gaspard, another former pro-wrestler, who in no way in this world am I familiar with, he took down a convenience store robber.  Now get this, the robber told him to leave and showed him his gun before he attempted this fiasco.  I guess he is a special kind of stupid.  I put the video on eldookie.com.  Shad opened the door with this dude’s face!  I love it!

xsteve-austin-vadapt-955-high_-0-1050x375-jpg-pagespeed-ic-4eyqo7-0vvRemember Stone Cold Steve Austin?  I don’t recall ever seeing this guy in the ring unless he was chugging beer.  On his show the other day, this alcoholic said that him and 3 other wrestlers drank 115 beers one night in the ring.  That’s enough piss to flood a small village.

vince-mcmahon-lindaAnd finally, we got Linda McMahon.  You know, the former CEO of WWE.  She’s married to that creepy-ass muscled up senior citizen, Vince.  Well Trump named her to run the Small Business Administration.  I would like to see the office Christmas Party for the SBA.  People bashing each other in the head with office chairs.


Chief Wahoo

Well, the Cleveland Indians are about to be another casualty of political correctness.  They are phasing out their logo, Chief Wahoo.  If it were me, I would keep the logo and change his name.  What kind of name is Wahoo anyway?  It’s like that sound you make when you are doing a chick doggiestyle and you tell her she is fat.  You yell Wahoo and try to hang on!

14765120Anyway, through a completely confusing system, they are going to start taking him off the uniforms.  But wait, there’s more.  They are trying to come up with a new name to replace Indians.  I have a suggestion, The Cleveland Knob Gobblers!  You know, name it after Elizabeth Warren.

Hey, I’m part American Indian and I don’t find it offensive.  I find putting casinos all over my sacred land offensive!  I mean seriously, there is nothing these assholes won’t do for money; give them a piece of the action.  Go bribe some chief.  The environmentalist do it all of the time.

Anyway, I’m sure it is only a matter of time before the Washington Redskins do this too.  As someone who went on a river trip without sunscreen, I really don’t find the term Redskin offensive.


Joy Behar

Joy Behar, now this is one retarded bitch.  I mean seriously.  The day after the election she was on The View saying that this is the first time since Bush that a party had the presidency, the house and the senate.  What this idiot and her fellow morons are too lazy to research, is that Obama had a democratic house and Senate for his first 2 years.  Obamacare was the only thing that came out of it, so naturally it’s forgotten.  Remember House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

But that is old news, so let’s fast forward to this week on The View.

She didn’t just stop there, she turned this into a week-long tirade.  I got bad news for you Joy, they can’t stop it.  He may lose a few votes, but it’s over.  He already hired Ben Carson.  What do you want him to do, fire him?  Fire a black neurosurgeon that is basically just volunteering his time, yeah, that sounds reasonable!

US Flag with the hammer and sickle?  Doesn’t sound so bad actually.  Kick out California and some of these other liberal states, we’ll have plenty of room on the flag when we take off their stars.  Hell, we could put one of those nekkid lady silhouettes on there.


Kanye West

Ok, if I wouldn’t have seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it.  Kanye West went to visit Trump.

trumye-700xI assumed he was there to apply for a night janitor position, but when he took pics with the president-elect, ehhh, I don’t know.  Maybe he was there to apply for Ambassador to Uranus.

It’s hard to question the man that I put all of my faith in, BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?   Maybe I’m just a little jealous.  I sent him a request for a meeting but the secret service denied it.  I’m sure it had something to do with my book; or possibly George W. Bush flipping me off, who knows?  I doubt there are any kitty litter boxes in Trump Tower so he would be ok.

Not that I have ever liked Kanye, but I really hated him after this:

Hahaha, remember that.  What corner of his ass did that pop out of?  I guess he donated all of his money to Katrina Victims, that’s why he is 53 million in debt.


Bill Murray

Bill Murray has done some good stuff.  Caddyshack, Stripes, the first scene in Ghostbusters when he is shocking the shit out of that dude trying to guess the symbols on those cards.  Other than that, I think he sucks!  Some of the best naps I have ever taken have been during his newer movies.  I quit looking at the website The Chive because of all the Bill Murray shit on there.  He has done us good guys, but it is time to let him go.

So why this dude was putting with Obama in the Oval Office is beyond me.  Is Obamacare that big of a flop?  Don’t answer that!  I mean seriously, Obama had to pull Bill Murray out of bender to do this thing.

I redid the whole video that the Whitehouse released, but I used Bill Murray’s voice off of Caddyshack.  Oh, and I put Chevy Chase’s voice in there for Obama.  It is actually amusing.  It’s totally better than the original.


Lindsey Graham

Ok, I hate Lindsey Graham.  The dude is a total fagmaster!  That’s not why I don’t like him, I don’t like him because he is a total idiot!  This guy is flaming so hot, he would catch Milo Yiannopoulos’s skinny jeans on fire! _893812

Anyway, Lindsey Graham said his campaign was hacked by the Russians.   Yeah, like they give a shit about a guy that was on the B-team of the debates.  Anybody that watched those, knows he wasn’t a contender!

I would like to see the Russians hack his Grindr account.  Now that would be funny!  Or maybe his last order from Adam and Eve.  Who knew they made a buttplug the size of a traffic cone?


Hillary Clinton

Poor Hillary!   I feel so bad for her for losing!  The sexist, racist, zenophobe, deplorables; they voted her ass out of here!

They almost need to do a ‘Where is She Now’ segment, to see what she is up to.

Well, I’ll tell you where she is now:   She is plotting a guilt trip on the Americans that thought she was full of shit!   That’s where she is!  Listen to Diane Feinstein:

Poor Hillary!  Crook, liar, bullshit artist extraordinaire, murderer.  I’m suppose to feel sorry for her?  She couldn’t even concede that night because she was too busy beating the shit out of Bill, Robby Mook, and John Podesta.

And that’s who greater than 50% of our population wanted.  I would like to see the results of the election if they held it today.

And where is Huma Abedin?  I kinda miss that saucy Saudi spy!

And what happened to Anthony Weiner?  Ole Carlos Danger.  Surely the FBI has enough evidence to arrest him by now.  It’s kind of black and white; he either had child porn on that laptop or he didn’t.

The Clinton machine; it’s over.  It’s time the world gets on board with it.  Blowjobs in the Whitehouse–Over.  Pay to play–Over.  John Podesta ordering Comet Ping Pong Pizza in the Oval Office–Over.

There is only one thing we are missing here, a pardon.


Pamela Taylor

pamela-ramsey-taylor-e1479200503248Remember the lady who said Michele Obama looked like a monkey?  Hey, she called it like she saw it.  Well Pamela Taylor has been reinstated to her former position at The Clay County Development Corp. in West Virginia.  I don’t see what the big deal was?  Comparing someone’s looks to an animal isn’t racist!

Personally, I think Michelle looks like a transgendered circus monkey with the AIDS!

And in what shithole do we live in where we can’t make fun of someone,  Serioulsly!

I mean, this Pamela Taylor is no looker herself, but she says what she is thinking.

I’m sorry, but a world that you can’t make fun of someone, count me out!


Yasmin Seweid

I have to say, this Yasmin Seweid is kinda hot.   Seriously, she had potential, up until the point that she said a bunch of Trump supporters ripped off her hajab and started harassing her.

The real story is she was out drinking with infidels.  Instead of coming home late to a strict Muslim dad with booze and dick on her breath, she made up this story and took it to the police.

After investigating the crime and finding no evidence, the cops charged her with obstructing governmental administration and filing a false report.  That could be a year in the slammer for each.

screen_shot_2016Here is where the story gets funny, she showed up to court with a shaved head!  Haha, seriously, her dad shaved her head for dating a Christian.  This brings new meaning to Female Head Mutilation.  No no no, it’s an honor shaving!  I wonder if he shaved her playground?

I think we should deport these assholes.  Like we need the same religious persecution in this country that they have in the Middle East.


Chocolate Vat

I love the old Willy Wonka.  Probably because of all the midgets that played the Oompa Loompas.  Yeah, I have a midget fetish, SO WHAT!

Well there was a real-life Willy Wonka episode in a chocolate factory in Russia.  Some lady fell into a vat of chocolate.

Svetlana Roslina Galoop died when a mixer drug her in to the vat of chocolaty goodness.

Now, I don’t find this part of the story funny.  It’s sad, but this makes it funny:


Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart is selling black lives matter t-shirts now.  Can you believe it?  Sam Walton is shitting his grave about right now.

blm-hoodie-walmartGet this, the shirts say bulletproof on them.  Imagine what is going to happen when some ghetto thug get’s blown away while robbing a convenience store.  His grieving wife is going to try and sue Wal-Mart for making a false claim.  I can’t wait!

Wal-Mart banned a bumper sticker that said All Lives matter, not to long ago.  They said it was offensive!  I guess I won’t be able to buy a Confederate Flag beach towel there next summer.


Secede!

You know what drives me nuts, it’s people that laughed about Texas wanting to secede from the union a few years ago.  What’s so funny?

fsn_secession_1After the election, now California wants to do it and everybody takes it serious.  I say, don’t let them secede, kick em the fuck out!  I am all for 55 less liberal electors!  We can dilute the rest of America with the handful of conservatives out there.

I mean, this state is rolling up on a trillion in debt.  Let’s get rid of them before they want a bailout.  Build that wall right on around their ass, don’t let them out of there. We may not even need to build the wall anyway.  A well placed earthquake down the San Andreas fault, the whole state may snap off like a piece of a KitKat bar.  It has a nice ring to it: the Island Nation of California

What do they bring to the table anyway?  Shitty movies like the new Ghostbusters?  Crappy wine?  I’ll tell you, I don’t need the piers of San Francisco to get a decent bread bowl full of soup!  I can get that anywhere!

It’s actually a perfect scenario, let all those Hollywood Elites run that shithole further into the ground.  A bunch of uneducated morons telling everyone else how to spend their money.   Wait, they will be the only ones left out there with any money.  How is that going work out?

The options for President of California are so vast.  You got Rosie O’Donnell, Colin Kaepernick, Hanna Montana.  Take your pick.

We could always sell it back to Mexico.  Let them try out this open borders stuff.  May not be a bad idea, it will keep the illegal aliens out of the other states.

All I have to say is Audios!


PLEASE RATE THE SHOW:

subscribe


Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s